Everyone carries a burden. We live in a world where showing your pain is a sign of weakness, so most people’s burdens are not visible. Stanford University uses a duck as the metaphor for invisible effortlessness. The objective is to make accomplishment look easy so imagine the waterfowl gliding swiftly across the water while his webbed feet are paddling like mad, out of view, to move forward. Most people respond with “fine” when asked how they’re doing. Are they really fine?

Friends and family struggling with anxiety, depression, loss, failure, and tragedy often post happy images on their social media platforms. Granted, Instagram is not the appropriate place to share your woes. But where is? The therapists’ schedules at Elmhurst Counseling are filled with clients who have no other place to safely process adversity. We create a ‘holding environment’ for them to both vent and problem-solve. Clinical offices are blessed with the protection of confidentiality so the typical consequences of sharing your deepest, darkest thoughts and feelings are shielded.

Imagine an ecosystem where showing pain was a measure of strength. In this universe, looking a problem in the eye and understanding its source would take priority over making the symptoms go away. We would be encouraged to struggle and surround each other with whatever support was needed. This would become the platform upon which coping skills would develop. We would learn to manage difficulty by having difficulty.

The advent of psychotropic drugs in the 1980s ushered in an era of healthcare that focuses on symptom-reduction – shorter inpatient psych stays and fewer outpatient sessions approved. ‘Stabilize and refer’ replaced ‘diagnose and treat.’ Employers saved money, insurers made money, and families kicked the can of the problem down the road. Quick relief became the mantra.

There is now literally a pill for everything, and prescribers promise a happy, healthy life. Here’s the catch. If you just alleviate the symptom, the source goes unmanaged. As a result, the symptoms are certain to come back. You can drug them forever but they will always return. More importantly, every time you medicate the struggle, you reroute your emotional and cognitive development trajectory away from developing healthy coping skills. The medicine makes growth unnecessary – until your symptoms crop up in other places, of course.

We see plenty of adults with child-like coping abilities. Tantrums aren’t very effective when things don’t go your way. On the other hand, naming the problem and locating the resources to solve it works pretty well. And like most things, these dialogues work better with a trusted friend, family member, or counselor than they do alone with a mirror.

So, the next time someone who cares about you asks you how you’re doing, tell them.

About the Author

Steve Ritter, LCSW is the Founder and Executive Director of Elmhurst Counseling. He has served as a teacher, author, consultant, human resources director, health care administrator, and licensed clinical social worker since 1977. A fellow of the American College of Healthcare Executives, Steve has provided coaching, therapy and team development services to thriving schools, businesses and organizations.

Feeling happy is a pretty universal goal, but we can’t always put a finger on exactly what it means. Everyone has fleeting moments of joy or elation. But when we ask someone, Are you happy? we’re usually talking about a deeper sense of contentment.

We might feel it when we’re overcome with wonder about the world around us or when we notice beauty and love in our lives. Happiness can also go hand-in-hand with gratitude as we take stock of our good fortune. Although we’re able to recognize its presence, it can be strangely difficult to put into words.

A random poll of friends and family members would probably result in a different definition of happiness from each of them. But as I settle into my middle age, I’m beginning to feel that true happiness – the broader, longer-lasting, soul-fulfilling kind – is almost synonymous with another noun most of us take for granted: purpose.

Research increasingly suggests that having a purpose is the key to a meaningful life — and a happy life. Purpose and meaning are connected to what researchers call eudaimonic well-being. This is distinct from, and sometimes inversely related to the feeling of elation (hedonic well-being). One constitutes a deeper, more durable state, while the other is superficial and transient.

Way back in eighteenth-century Europe, a movement started to help people with emotional struggles rehabilitate through creativity. It didn’t take long to discover that the therapeutic value of engagement in purposeful activity was radically more effective than previous treatment models that were associated with brutality or idleness. This idea eventually became the origin of Occupational Therapy (OT).

There’s a reason the philosophy of OT has withstood the test of time. Having a purpose – something that makes us feel alive and absorbed – is as vital to our well-being as food and water. Purpose simultaneously connects us to the rest of the universe and brings us back into ourselves. We can find it both in a broader life-calling and in discrete events. Purpose becomes the link between us and our environment. We become more and, as Occupational Therapists see regularly, we become well.

Scale doesn’t matter as much as fit. The focus of your purpose can be solitary, quiet, and private. It simply has to embody something that fills you up and gives you a sense of personal enlargement, of swelling out beyond yourself. You know you are aligned with your purpose because your power grows. You feel a part of something bigger than yourself. Time flies.

You may find purpose by nurturing the relationships in your life, expressing your unique talents through the cultivation of a hobby, pursuing a stimulating career, or contributing to your community. The avenues are limitless. But if you’re feeling a gap, try asking yourself the question – and then, more importantly, take the important step of answering it.

What draws you in, ignites your energy, and pulls you forward?

About the Author

Kerry Galarza, MS OTR/L is the Clinical Director and a pediatric occupational therapist at Elmhurst Counseling. She provides specialized assessment and intervention with children of all ages and their families. Kerry engages clients with naturally occurring, meaningful home-based methods to empower autonomy and maximize functioning.