Young kids tend to live with the comforting belief that what happens in their home is the norm. Every home has a vibe and a flow that is unique, and the family culture is integrated into a child’s identity and understanding of life from the very beginning. There might be some early small cracks in the veneer for your child, times when you’re required to impatiently explain that staying out late or eating junk food might be fine for Tommy’s family, “but we do things differently here!” Even so, in a younger child’s eyes, family routines and practices are usually taken for granted as the standard way of being.

One of the biggest shocks to an older child’s system is the dawning realization that their family is “weird.” Perspectives begin to shift once a preteen starts to spend more time out in the world on their own, stacking up revelatory observations all along the way. What follows is oftentimes a healthy period of scorn and disdain when they’re expected to take part in family routines and practices they once accepted as the status quo.

If we’re lucky, they’ll eventually come full circle. Sooner or later, it will begin to sink in for them that all families are, in fact, weird…and that maybe some of your family’s own brand of weirdness is actually worth embracing. It’s unlikely that your child will tell you outright when they’ve come to appreciate your family’s proclivities, especially in the midst of deep sighs and eye rolls – but you might see some subtle evidence.

They may tell you in the way they make space for family traditions, especially the unique little ones. In my home, we occasionally decorate a small Charlie Brown-esque tree for “off” holidays like Halloween and Easter. Of my kids ranging from 9 to 15 years old, guess which one is the first to ask if we can pull it out of storage? He’s also the first to bring up the names of the imaginary family mascots who were born over a decade ago to help kickstart dinnertime conversation with our reluctant preschoolers (a motley trio named Bat, Ghost, & Treefrog). And he’s the one who can reliably be found in the kitchen happily making the bizarre Welsh dish we discovered when researching a third-grade genealogy project, which has long since become a family staple.

Household customs, idiosyncrasies, habits, and patterns of moving together combine to form the fabric of our kids’ foundations from toddlerhood right up until they launch into the world as young adults – and even beyond. All children are deeply influenced by their surroundings, in ways that they (and you) may not realize. Usually, the truth of this becomes even more evident as they enter the later stages of childhood. The touchstone of your family, in all its glorious weirdness, remains vital.

It’s easier than you think to nurture the foundation that supports our kids’ sense of belonging and meaning. I’m willing to bet your family already has more than a few quirky rituals that are more special to your kids than you realize. While the teen years may seem like a good time to pay them less mind, resist the impulse to fade them back. They make up the very ground on which your children stand – especially when the winds outside are making them feel unsteady. So, play up your particularities. Embrace your weirdness, especially when it looks like your kids aren’t paying attention. They are.

About the Author

Kerry Galarza, MS OTR/L is the Clinical Director and a pediatric occupational therapist at Elmhurst Counseling. She provides specialized assessment and intervention with children of all ages and their families. Kerry engages clients with naturally occurring, meaningful home-based methods to empower autonomy and maximize functioning.

What is the meaning of life?

The question feels colossal. Maybe even unanswerable at first. When we’re young, we plan for our ideal adulthood via main plot points:

√   Pick a career
√   Get married
√   Have kids

Then we grow older and begin to understand that those checkboxes aren’t everything. Successful careers and thriving families are merely the cumulative results of some larger force that drives each of us in unique ways.

One of my favorite games growing up was Milton Bradley’s The Game of Life. I recently played it with my family, and was amused to see my kids react the same way I did at their age. “Yes! I got the best salary!” “It’s not fair! I wanted to be a doctor!” “I hope I get twins!” Of course, the game’s ultimate winner is defined by who has the most money. My boys were being taught the same unconscious lessons I absorbed when I was a kid.

I watched as they became swept up by imagination, seeing their “lives” unfold through the events marked by a large “STOP!” sign on the gameboard. They raced each other to see who could start a career, buy a house, build a family, and collect a payout the fastest. But even as I delighted in their enthusiasm, I was struck by a disquieting thought.

The big events provide a necessary chassis, sure – but what about those more common spaces on the gameboard we barely pause to read? The ones that say, “Go Fishing,” “Plant a Tree,” or “Visit a Museum.” Aren’t those just as important? How about coffee dates? Laughter during family dinner? Still moments to observe the clouds float across the sky? Why don’t these moments earn checkboxes?

These moments are literally what make up a life. The weight and meaning of our experiences are ours alone, but more importantly, they are ours to own. We get to direct our energy and attention toward whatever we value most. Each hour, you’re making the decision to focus on past performance, current experiences, or future plans. We get to decide when to be the driver and when to be the passenger in that little red car filled with pink and blue pegs.

It’s not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. We all extract different significance from our days for different reasons. Yet when there are kids (pink and blue pegs) in our orbit, our choices about what’s important have influence. We navigate the “Game of Life” differently when there is precious cargo onboard. It’s worth noticing your personal tendencies and becoming clear on your answers to the big questions. What you find is what you’re teaching your children by example. Is finishing the game with the most money and accolades really the way you win? What is most important?

Widen the lens. Try to take on the big questions (“What is the meaning of life?”) with little answers. What if you could only respond with one grammatically correct sentence (no run-ons)? There are many questions to answer beyond figuring out the meaning of life. What is the role of joy and sorrow? What is the balance between work and play? How are pain and growth related? The point of limiting yourself to little answers is to force clarity. So here’s today’s big question: Why were you placed on this planet in this moment?

Define your purpose. You have one sentence available for your answer.

About the Author

Kerry Galarza, MS OTR/L is the Clinical Director and a pediatric occupational therapist at Elmhurst Counseling. She provides specialized assessment and intervention with children of all ages and their families. Kerry engages clients with naturally occurring, meaningful home-based methods to empower autonomy and maximize functioning.