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Just When We Thought We Had Seen It All

Just When We Thought We Had Seen It All

by | Apr 24, 2022 | Counseling, Marriage & Family, Wellness

As a clinical practice serving families for 38 years, sometimes our clinicians think they have seen it all. Two factors bring us to our senses. First, you cannot have a career in the human services and see everything. Human behavior is complex, and the complexity intensifies when you blend it into relationships and families. Second, the world has gotten more complicated, and the magnified stressors are affecting families like never before.

As a result, our therapists have committed themselves to being curious. With every client and each set of circumstances, we ask the question, “What would need to be true to make these struggles make sense?” More important than our educational training or theoretical orientation is our understanding of the family’s unique situation. You do not need an advanced degree to understand a complex behavior when you are willing to assess through the lens of curiosity.

Yet, three things remain universally true.

  • Symptoms intensify following trauma.
  • Resolution is easier when we can intervene earlier in the progression of struggle.
  • The struggle usually shines a light on the problem if you let it.

Symptoms intensify following trauma. ‘Normal development’ is only normal when everything goes smoothly. Disruptions are valuable indicators and frequently answer the ‘why.’

Resolution is easier when we can intervene earlier in the progression of struggle. Early detection is vital in every healthcare challenge. Once things take root and get normalized, the chances for a quick and effective solution decline.

The struggle usually shines a light on the problem if you let it. We live in an age of symptom reduction. Unfortunately, when you relieve the symptom, the path to the cause gets obscured. Let the pain last long enough to see why it is there if you want to know what to address.

Stay curious. Resist the urge to diagnose. As soon as you zero in on an answer, you eliminate other possibilities. We live in a complicated world and not knowing something right away can offer the gift of discovery. Human lifespans are simply not long enough to solve the puzzle of human relationships. But fortunately, we get to work on the puzzle together.

About the Author

Steve Ritter, LCSW is the Founder and Executive Director of Elmhurst Counseling. He has served as a teacher, author, consultant, human resources director, health care administrator, and licensed clinical social worker since 1977. A fellow of the American College of Healthcare Executives, Steve has provided coaching, therapy and team development services to thriving schools, businesses and organizations.

Staying Calm Under Pressure

Staying Calm Under Pressure

by | Nov 7, 2017 | Wellness, Workplace

Is it nature or nurture? Poise during the final seconds of an expiring clock in a sports contest often separates winners from losers. Hitting the high note in a solo during an orchestra performance in front of a packed house distinguishes the virtuoso from the amateur. Making the tough decision at the head of the leadership table usually differentiates the effective chief executive from the ineffective stuffed shirt.

Are these leaders born with such composure under pressure or are these learned behaviors? It’s probably a little of both. So, assuming the gift of nature – the lucky wiring handed down from generations of genetics – is part of the package, where does the nurture – the learned ability to remain graceful when it counts most – come from?

Let’s look at the three most likely sources.

Experience

The acquisition of coping skills happens when situations require us to adapt. A child learning to ride a bicycle discovers balance just as the bike begins to topple over. If the kid’s dad never lets go of the seat permitting the bicycle to tip, his son or daughter never knows to compensate to the left when the bike falls to the right. This is the beauty of struggle – it forces the need for problem solving.

Training

Most athletes and musicians know what it feels like to be “in the zone.” Parents and business leaders find the zone, as well. The zone is the perfect blend of stress and performance that makes competency look effortless. This is a skill set that can be taught and practiced. It’s basic psychophysiology. Learn the early warning signs your body communicates under stress and employ any of a variety of relaxation techniques to reboot your focus.

Change

Managing change effectively builds resiliency. While instinct may clamor to avoid change at all costs, saying goodbye to the old while saying hello to the new is a reliable problem-solving method. Everything cycles if you don’t waste energy getting stuck. As quickly as you can finish trumpeting how awful a change is, get committed to the task of figuring out what to do about it.

Some people are born to keep their cool when the heat is on. They get a small head-start in the leadership race. The rest of us find a way to channel the people and events of our lives into a moment of clarity when our teammates aren’t sure what to do in a crisis. Were you born to lead with calm or will your poise need to be learned?

About the Author

Steve Ritter, LCSW is the Founder and Executive Director of Elmhurst Counseling. He has served as a teacher, author, consultant, human resources director, health care administrator, and licensed clinical social worker since 1977. A fellow of the American College of Healthcare Executives, Steve has provided coaching, therapy and team development services to thriving schools, businesses and organizations.

How to become invisible

How to become invisible

by | Sep 13, 2017 | Relationships, Workplace

Whether in a business meeting or an interpersonal exchange, everybody knows what it feels like to be invisible. Your partner might be making eye contact but his or her attention is on other priorities. Your friend is thinking about the next thing he or she is about to say rather than listening to you. Colleagues are checking their smartphones during your presentation. It’s the classic portrayal of “presenteeism” – the body is present but the spirit is not. Consider these ways people become invisible:

1. Allow your knowledge to grow stale. 
In a world that evolves while you sleep, it takes a serious commitment to doing your homework to remain vibrant. In a 2:1 ratio, devote yourself to spending two hours learning about your partners, customers, and audience for every hour you invest in growing your own platform.

2. Take more than you give. 
As Adam Grant discusses in his 2013 masterpiece, Give and Take, “givers” who balance an appropriate blend of self-interest with other-interest create a tremendous amount of good will in their networks resulting in the eventual return on their investment. “Takers,” on the other hand, collect some early wins but, in the long run, end up alone (and invisible).

3. Prematurely declare “game over” following a set-back. 
The richness of success grows remarkably when fueled by the desperation of letdown. Those who give up early don’t live long enough to enjoy such wealth. When someone struggles in an endeavor, teammates instinctively distance themselves from the pain. Those brave few who endure the discomfort are rewarded for their courage and loyalty.

 

Have you become invisible?

 

About the Author

Steve Ritter, LCSW is the Founder and Executive Director of Elmhurst Counseling. He has served as a teacher, author, consultant, human resources director, health care administrator, and licensed clinical social worker since 1977. A fellow of the American College of Healthcare Executives, Steve has provided coaching, therapy and team development services to thriving schools, businesses and organizations.

Career Path Clarity

Career Path Clarity

by | Jul 14, 2017 | Career

There are times when the urban atmosphere is so foggy it requires faith to know the skyscrapers have top floors. Much like the future of an engaged coaching partnership, the outcome is not always immediately visible. What, then, provides clarity when the goal is not in sight?
  • Know your strengths. You were wired to be talented at something. Invest in these talents.
  • Be true to your priorities. At any given stage of your career path, what’s most important shifts. At some point, meaning and impact surpass the value of money.
  • Prune your network. If you are going to get out and meet people, select the connections most likely to offer mutual benefit and advance each person’s strengths and priorities.
  • Embrace the courage of selectivity. The early, middle, and later stages of a career call for different levels of bravery. At the beginning, find a great mentor. In the middle, exert your influence. At the end, reinvent, explore, and have fun.
  • Understand the drain/fuel dichotomy. The simplest test for determining the right path is whether it depletes or feeds your professional energy. If it drains, do it less. If it fuels, do it more.

Although the destination might not always be clear, the journey has guideposts that can be trusted.

 

About the Author

Steve Ritter, LCSW is the Founder and Executive Director of Elmhurst Counseling. He has served as a teacher, author, consultant, human resources director, health care administrator, and licensed clinical social worker since 1977. A fellow of the American College of Healthcare Executives, Steve has provided coaching, therapy and team development services to thriving schools, businesses and organizations.

Your Career: Life Themes & Defining Moments

Your Career: Life Themes & Defining Moments

by | May 17, 2017 | Career

At its most basic core, what is your contribution to your workplace? I’m not talking about the visible actions. I’m asking about the themes and patterns that define your life and, as a result, get played out in your professional role.

Our professional roles are merely extensions of our life themes. Each of us selects roles and teammates based on complex clusters of needs that fulfill lifelong agendas.  At first glance, it appears you have located a passion that expresses our natural wiring. If you’re lucky, work seems like play because you’ve selected a path that ignites an energy from within. Most often, however, our role on the team is influenced but historical events with deeper roots and more compelling stories. If you take a microscopic view, repetitive patterns become evident.

I was engaged in a conversation with a senior leader from a global financial services company last week when the conversation turned to “defining moments.” We were reminiscing about the turning points of our careers where single events shaped our personal and professional character.  She recalled being summoned to resolve a potential workplace violence situation when, at 5’2″, she was required to disarm an angry employee who was literally over twice her body weight. She described a sense of calm and clarity overcoming her as she entered the crisis situation and navigated the room to safety. As the conversation ensued, it turned out that this was not the first situation in which she had been called upon to remain poised under stressful circumstances. It was, in fact, the key trait from which she had become professionally known. Always cool under pressure.

When we dug a little deeper, we discovered that remaining calm and focused during adversity had been a character requirement of her childhood and adolescence. The numerous examples that dotted her 30-year career as a team leader were simply extensions of the role she had assumed as early as her memory could excavate.

Since this discussion, I’ve been asking clients to more closely consider their roles – not as defined by their job descriptions – but as determined by the circumstances of their life path. This exercise has certainly added depth to conversations about strengths.

What are your themes?

About the Author

Steve Ritter, LCSW is the Founder and Executive Director of Elmhurst Counseling. He has served as a teacher, author, consultant, human resources director, health care administrator, and licensed clinical social worker since 1977. A fellow of the American College of Healthcare Executives, Steve has provided coaching, therapy and team development services to thriving schools, businesses and organizations.