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What’s in Your Blind Spot?

What’s in Your Blind Spot?

by | Feb 11, 2021 | Parenting

You’re stuck. You found yourself locked into a stressful situation. Your kid is struggling and you don’t know why. You’re angry and frustrated. Or maybe sad and wanting escape. There’s a good chance you’re experiencing all of those things.

It’s hardest to see the path to resolution when stressed. We usually default to old habits and only see the obvious factors of the situation. Our kids didn’t come with manuals and even the best parents rely on trial-and-error. No one wants to screw up their kid.

Parenting is hard, and it’s so much harder when it feels like the sky is falling. But before you start yelling or hide in your closet with a week’s worth of chocolate, first hit the pause button. Then gently shift your position to see what’s hiding in your blind spot.

Broader environmental influences are masters at disguise. They’re good at becoming part of the scenery even while they’re playing havoc with your child. Try these examples on for size:

  • Your child’s routine is shifting under their feet. The rules that worked yesterday no longer apply.
  • Your family has other stressors, and your child is feeling the weight without understanding why. Kids have no way of knowing they are not the owner of a larger family problem.
  •  Your child’s internal environment is changing (illness, fatigue, developmental stops & starts) and he/she is busy playing catch up. There are so many variables in this human equation! 
  •  Your child is butting up against a misfit between task demands and their current abilities. Sometimes we have to regress in order to build the skills demanded by new challenges.

Acknowledging sneaky environmental influences on your child’s behavior can go a long way in getting yourself unstuck. You can’t fight an enemy you can’t see, so recognition really is half the battle. Once you have a better idea of what you’re working with, you can then begin to tackle the problem piece by piece. And… ‘poof,’…you’re no longer stuck!

About the Author

Kerry Galarza, MS OTR/L is the Clinical Director and a pediatric occupational therapist at Elmhurst Counseling. She provides specialized assessment and intervention with children of all ages and their families. Kerry engages clients with naturally occurring, meaningful home-based methods to empower autonomy and maximize functioning.

Why Your Relationships Need Struggle

Why Your Relationships Need Struggle

by | Feb 28, 2018 | Relationships

Useful Pain: Why Your Relationships Need Struggle was written as an enticement for growth. The book is based on a simple concept: interactions between partners are necessary ingredients of growth. Of course, instinct tells us to make pain go away. The reward is relief from tension, fear, anxiety, depletion, or the treat of failure. But what would happen if we allowed the struggle to run its course without being soothed?

When two people embark on a risk together, decisions are driven by either the most fearless or most fearful person. Fearless partners push their apprehensive counterparts forward. Fearful partners pull their more confident partners back.

This dynamic push and pull generates creative tension in the relationship that forces either growth or stagnation. The symptoms most likely to appear when the risk is being negotiated is either eagerness for or resistance to change. When the more fearful partner is pulling, the relationship will react to fear of failure. When the more fearless partner is pushing, the relationship will react to being “out on a limb.” Of course, both fearlessness and fearfulness have value, depending on what’s at stake.

Adventure brings excitement to a relationship. Much like driving a car, you are less likely to take a risk if your have passengers on board than if you are traveling alone. In relationships, risk-taking must account for the consequences on all parties involved. The resulting struggle has purpose – learning how to keep moving forward while honoring the pace of the partnership – useful pain.

About the Author

Kerry Galarza, MS OTR/L is the Clinical Director and a pediatric occupational therapist at Elmhurst Counseling. She provides specialized assessment and intervention with children of all ages and their families. Kerry engages clients with naturally occurring, meaningful home-based methods to empower autonomy and maximize functioning.

Marriages, Families, and Teams

Marriages, Families, and Teams

by | Feb 7, 2018 | Marriage & Family

Relationships share similar dynamics whether small or large. We are most familiar with the exchanges in interpersonal settings since most of our connections are one-to-one partnerships. When you expand these interactions to a family or a team, the complexity multiplies. What if the model for successful partnerships was the same regardless of size or scale?

Imagine the marriage as the nucleus of the family. Apply the same expectations for the interpersonal connection to the larger group as an integrated ecosystem. Consider the variables that contribute to the success and effectiveness of each relationship within that ecosystem.

Values: Each person fights for the same cause.

Differences: Diverse perspectives bring richness to conversations.

Respect: Everyone places equal importance on the way people are treated.

Closeness: Fondness and caring grow deeper as experiences are shared.

Accountability: Every promise is backed by integrity and commitment.

Growth: The entity pushes for continuous improvement.

Adaptability: Change, whether expected or not, refreshes everyone in the ecosystem.

The recipe for successful partnership, thriving families, and effective teams is the same. Start with core values and mutual goals. Learn how to disagree respectfully. Build trust and connection. Stretch and grow. Manage change with resilience. Reinvest through each stage of development.

 

About the Author

Kerry Galarza, MS OTR/L is the Clinical Director and a pediatric occupational therapist at Elmhurst Counseling. She provides specialized assessment and intervention with children of all ages and their families. Kerry engages clients with naturally occurring, meaningful home-based methods to empower autonomy and maximize functioning.

Back to School: Begin Again

Back to School: Begin Again

by | Aug 25, 2017 | Marriage & Family, Parenting

The kids are back in school. For us parents who have been through 15-20 years of schooling, an academic cycle is built into the rhythm of our lives. There is a beginning (fall), middle (winter), and an end (spring) followed by a period of regrouping (summer). The hands on the clock keep spinning as families navigate challenges.

As you begin again, consider opportunities that arise from your family’s new cycle:

Reinvestment: Each new beginning offers a chance to measure your level of engagement. The degree to which you invest determines the strength of the platform that will eventually support your growth.

Embracing Conflict and Difference: Friction is a gift when it’s managed with respect and maturity. A new day invites a new idea. If nothing changes, nothing changes.

Increasing Connection: Trust is cumulative. It is earned with accountability and damaged with neglect. The cyclical nature of families offers endless second chances. Seize the opportunity to advance your relationships to the next level.

Adaptation: Each day has unexpected events that require a reaction. Sometimes our responses are nimble and poised while other times we’re awkward and clumsy. Efforts to keep things from changing are usually counterproductive. Moving with the flow of change is often the best strategy.

Refueling: The natural breaks (holidays, spring break) are designed to recharge the system. Walking away and getting some space is an effective way of finding clarity. Depleted resources need restocking. Fuel the next phase of growth with well-earned rest.

The stages of the cycle are predictable in healthy families. Follow the refueling phase with a renewed investment. Use this as a platform for building trust. Leverage the connection to innovate. Distance from the status quo to manage the changes you’ve created. Adapt with poise and begin again.

About the Author

Kerry Galarza, MS OTR/L is the Clinical Director and a pediatric occupational therapist at Elmhurst Counseling. She provides specialized assessment and intervention with children of all ages and their families. Kerry engages clients with naturally occurring, meaningful home-based methods to empower autonomy and maximize functioning.

When “Me” Becomes “We”

When “Me” Becomes “We”

by | Jun 1, 2017 | Relationships

Partners in relationships can be both selfish and altruistic. One person’s desire for achievement can overtake the priority of the wellness of the connection. When our own needs clamor for satisfaction, the greater good sometimes gets sacrificed. Few of us live in isolation. Most of us are members of friendships, romances, families, teams, and organizations where goals are shared.

A single partner’s priority of “me” rather than the “we” can grind the growth of a relationship to a halt. The couple can still move through the tasks of each day but they won’t enjoy the synergies that arise from true collaboration. The rewards of healthy connection are easier to accomplish as a team. However, these benefits are elusive without a commitment to honing a set of interactional competencies. The relationship thrives when the both partners are skilled at the following behaviors:

Sacrifice: placing other needs in front of your own.

Generosity: creating good will by sharing knowledge, assets, and resources.

Compromise: forging win-win opportunities.

Negotiation: balancing gains and losses respectfully.

Listening: seeing the world through another lens.

Collaboration: linking strengths to promote growth.

Coordination: conducting an orchestra of variables.

Interdependence: fusing your future outcomes with the path of another.

Relational aptitudes are learned. They are not in the traditional instruction manual of becoming an adult. The good news is that each day is filled with opportunities to practice. Take a walk around your circle of connections. Check in with your friends and lovers. Each exchange is a new tutorial.

About the Author

Kerry Galarza, MS OTR/L is the Clinical Director and a pediatric occupational therapist at Elmhurst Counseling. She provides specialized assessment and intervention with children of all ages and their families. Kerry engages clients with naturally occurring, meaningful home-based methods to empower autonomy and maximize functioning.