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Macro, Mezzo, and Micro Wellness

Macro, Mezzo, and Micro Wellness

by | Feb 4, 2025 | Career, Performance, Wellness

It would be a mistake to view your work team, your closest interpersonal relationship, and your own growth and development as separate experiences. You are at the center of each of these universes and uniquely drive the wellness and vibe of each one. Your strengths dictate how well you interact with the environment (micro), your friends and family (mezzo), and your workplace culture (macro). Unfortunately (or fortunately), your personality glitches, poor coping skills under stress, and unresolved psychological issues have plenty of impact, too.

The reason this might be fortunate is because the same arrow points to the same opportunity within all your walks of life. If you don’t play nice in the sandbox at work, you probably don’t at home either. If you struggle with social anxiety, you probably battle stress demons personally, as well. If you are struggling to find direction in life, it’s pretty likely that your career path is not perfectly aligned with your values. Our strengths and struggles both play out wherever and however we spend our waking hours (probably our sleeping hours, too).

The opportunity is to find the commonalities in all three venues, micro, mezzo, and macro. Ask the same question in three different phrasings. Most likely, all three answers will be the same. If they are, it may be time to address the issue that seems to have become pervasive. Life is short. Why not now? Does it hurt enough yet?

Here are some examples of questions that might unveil growth opportunities (and perhaps lead to a better night’s sleep):

You tolerate disrespect.

  • Micro: Am I neglecting my health and wellness in any way?
  • Mezzo: Do I allow others to say or do hurtful things to me?
  • Macro: Are words and actions that could undermine our team culture tolerated?

The discomfort of conflict leads you to not stand up for yourself.

  • Micro: Does life seem to go better when I avoid confrontation?
  • Mezzo: Do we take time to process the changes that unfold in our relationship?
  • Macro: Does my team work best when conflict is avoided?

You struggle with accountability.

  • Micro: Can I be trusted to follow through with my commitments?
  • Mezzo: Are expectations and responsibilities clear in our partnership?
  • Macro: Does my team have a clear understanding of our collective roles?

You fear the vulnerability of closeness.

  • Micro: Do I feel close to those in my inner circle?
  • Mezzo: Is our connection growing closer or more distant?
  • Macro: Do I have trusted colleagues on my team?

You settle for ‘good enough’ instead of trying new things.

  • Micro: Do I hesitate to stretch myself and try new things?
  • Mezzo: Do we support each other’s growth?
  • Macro: Is creativity encouraged or do we tend to stick to what’s worked in the past?

You find it difficult to bounce back after a disappointment.

  • Micro: Am I able to move forward following a setback?
  • Mezzo: Are we able to see the opportunities that arise from change?
  • Macro: Does our team have trouble getting back on track following a loss?

It is the rare human who is consistently free of struggle. Whether the pain manifests itself at work, home, or in exchanges with friends and/or lovers is merely symptom identification. The problem that generates the system affects all three, whether or not it’s being telegraphed.

That’s the good news. If you fix it in one place, the other locales enjoy the benefit. Both pain and pleasure are shared experiences and are wildly contagious. Your mirror, friends, and colleagues will thank you. They might not understand why things with you are better, but everyone, everywhere, will feel the difference.

About the Author

Steve Ritter, LCSW is the Founder and Executive Director of Elmhurst Counseling. He has served as a teacher, author, consultant, human resources director, health care administrator, and licensed clinical social worker since 1977. A fellow of the American College of Healthcare Executives, Steve has provided coaching, therapy and team development services to thriving schools, businesses and organizations.

Does Your Mirror Offer a Kind Reflection?

Does Your Mirror Offer a Kind Reflection?

by | Jan 23, 2025 | Career, Counseling, Performance, Wellness

How are you? Really – not the ‘How ya doin’ that isn’t really a question but more of a greeting – but a genuine curiosity about how you’re actually coping these days. Have you been able to live day-to-day according to your values? Are your interactions with your family, friends, and colleagues meaningful? Are you growing? Are you navigating change – both the expected and unexpected kinds – with resilience?

Take a snapshot. At any given phase of life, some of these aspirations may have become compromised. There’s always a reason and, often, it feels beyond your control. Other than the times when we’re all capable of making a regrettable choice, the bulk of our challenges require creative problem-solving. So, the ‘How are you?’ question is really an invitation to do a quick assessment. Take a look in the mirror, make eye contact, and evaluate yourself in this moment in time.

Try to imagine some of the possible outcomes. After looking in the mirror and asking the tough questions, you might discover (or, once again, be reminded that):

  • You tolerate disrespect from others.
  • You have made choices that don’t align with your values.
  • The discomfort of conflict leads you to not stand up for yourself.
  • You tend not to follow through with commitments.
  • You fear the vulnerability of closeness.
  • You settle for ‘good enough’ instead of trying new things.
  • Your anxiety becomes overwhelming during periods of change.
  • You find it difficult to bounce back after a disappointment.

Any one of these examples will become life game-changers if addressed. The cost of normalizing their consequences has probably worn you down for a long time. You either didn’t know what to do or you decided that the consequences aren’t as painful as the fix. Either way, a fresh opportunity is now before you.

Or – maybe – your mirror offered a kind reflection. If so, you’re in one of those rare moments when the wind is at your back and the sun is shining. All is well. Nothing is broken so nothing needs to be fixed. Your health is good, your career is on a positive trajectory, and all of your relationships are thriving. Grab your gratitude journal and make an entry.

But if your moment with your mirror reveals otherwise, you’ve been given the gift of insight. Now what? You can either let the clarifying perspective be enough or you can use it as fuel for action. As we’ve all learned many times over, knowing what to do and doing it are different competencies. All you have to do is return to the mirror exercise in about a month to see which path you took.

Because if nothing changes, nothing changes.

About the Author

Steve Ritter, LCSW is the Founder and Executive Director of Elmhurst Counseling. He has served as a teacher, author, consultant, human resources director, health care administrator, and licensed clinical social worker since 1977. A fellow of the American College of Healthcare Executives, Steve has provided coaching, therapy and team development services to thriving schools, businesses and organizations.

The Power of Nonverbal Communication

The Power of Nonverbal Communication

by | Jan 6, 2025 | Career, Counseling, Marriage & Family, Parenting, Relationships

It doesn’t take much of a physics lesson to understand how people share energy. Often, you can feel the vibe of a room within seconds of entering. Sometimes it’s just the space but, most of the time, it’s the people in the space. Emotions are contagious, positive or negative. You can lift or sink someone with a glance. And whether your energy-sharing partner is a friend or a stranger, you can be knocked off balance by imperceptible shifts in their mood.

If you’ve ever ‘felt’ someone’s presence, you’ve experienced the power of physics. Back in middle school, we used to have contests to see who could get the targeted classmate to turn around and look because they sensed they were being stared at. It works. Recently, a colleague described her son’s surprise when she anticipated his question. “I could feel you,” was her reply when he asked her how she managed to read his mind.

Communication is constant and not limited to the exchange of words. Words are useful tools for capturing detail and clarifying misunderstanding. Usually, however, the message has already been previewed by unspoken expression.

Furrowed brows, deep sighs, folded arms, clenched teeth, and eye rolls are among the loudest forms of nonverbal communication. They are barely nonverbal, as they are intended to send clear messages. More subtle, though, is the way the temperature and atmospheric conditions change in a space that is populated by someone with strong emotions.

We are all mind-readers, though not always accurate. Most frequently, our misperceptions are the result of unconscious bias and our brain’s need to predict a future that doesn’t conflict with our biases. The faster you rush to judgment, the more likely you are to misperceive. You’re both wrong and certain at the same moment.

Seek understanding relentlessly. Double and triple-check dialogues with “So, what I heard you say was…” verifications. Then, listen with both ears and ask again. Factor in the nonverbals until the message both spoken and unspoken are aligned.

If they don’t align, it’s most likely that the nonverbals hold the truth.

About the Author

Steve Ritter, LCSW is the Founder and Executive Director of Elmhurst Counseling. He has served as a teacher, author, consultant, human resources director, health care administrator, and licensed clinical social worker since 1977. A fellow of the American College of Healthcare Executives, Steve has provided coaching, therapy and team development services to thriving schools, businesses and organizations.

Behind the Therapy Door

Behind the Therapy Door

by | Nov 14, 2024 | Counseling

The stereotype of a counseling session portrays a face-to-face conversation between therapist and client. Often, the exchange is not what you would expect. Not everyone is comfortable talking about their problems.

Some people express their feelings in ways that don’t rely on words. Games, for instance, become metaphors for the challenges a kid might be facing outside of the office. It might be safer to defeat your therapist than it is to take on a bully in the school hallway.

A poem or a song might better capture the nuances of an adult’s situation than a narrative about their life history. When a creative alternative is provided to a client, the traditional face-to-face dialogue usually follows. The goal is to provide a platform for problem-solving. How we get there has many paths.

At Elmhurst Counseling, both kids and grownups are finding outlets for creative expression. To an outsider, it probably looks like the agenda is to play games, solve puzzles, draw pictures, write stories, compose songs, and build crafts. Frequently, that impression is true. These are among the tools we employ with children and adults.

Creative play lowers the barriers to conversation. While the 8-year-old is building a Lego world, he doesn’t realize that he is crafting a parallel universe to his third-grade classroom. When the superheroes battle in the therapy office, he is learning coping strategies for navigating conflicts with siblings and peers.

When the 19-year-old pens song lyrics about a romantic breakup, she might not understand that the minor-key chords suggested to support the lyrics capture the sadness she is trying to express. She just feels understood.

Counseling and therapy take many forms. Sometimes it is as simple as two people sitting across from each other sharing a dialogue about sensitive topics. More often, however, it’s about the therapist reading the client’s unique path of expression and tailoring the clinical environment to enable that language. What would make you most comfortable?

About the Author

Steve Ritter, LCSW is the Founder and Executive Director of Elmhurst Counseling. He has served as a teacher, author, consultant, human resources director, health care administrator, and licensed clinical social worker since 1977. A fellow of the American College of Healthcare Executives, Steve has provided coaching, therapy and team development services to thriving schools, businesses and organizations.

Negotiating With Children

Negotiating With Children

by | Oct 15, 2024 | Marriage & Family, Parenting, Relationships

Multiple choice. What would you do with each scenario? Each option has longer term consequences beyond the immediate response to the challenge. Sometimes, that’s the decision: immediate relief versus lasting lesson.

Scenario #1

The challenge: It’s time to leave for school and your daughter refuses to wear the shoes you’ve selected.

Your options:

  1. Hold firm and brace yourself for a fight.
  2. Give in. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
  3. Threaten some delayed consequence if she doesn’t comply and hope she gives in.

Scenario #2

The challenge: The dinner you prepared (healthy) is met with protests from the kids. They are demanding an alternative (less healthy) or else refusing to eat.

Your options:

  1. Scramble to put a frozen pizza in the oven.
  2. Craft a lecture about the vicissitudes of healthy eating.
  3. Let them go hungry.

Scenario #3

The challenge: Your son times his tantrum with the arrival of your house guests. He insists on going to a friend’s house, which you’ve already nixed.

Your options:

  1. Let him go and save face with your guests.
  2. Hold the line and endure the embarrassment of your guests judging you as a bad parent.
  3. Provide an alternative version of entertainment that is better than hanging with friends.

Millennial parents have different priorities than their Boomer parents taught. Often, that’s the vibe of generational transitions – improve upon the experience of your family-of-origin. Of all the species on the planet, human lifespans have evolved to enable grandparent insight while the little ones are still little. Yet, the advice and guidance of the elders is not always relevant or welcomed.

What’s your scenario? How would your parents have handled it? Why would you manage it differently? Down the road, how would you imagine your kids will handle it when it’s your grandkids acting up?

Everything cycles.

About the Author

Steve Ritter, LCSW is the Founder and Executive Director of Elmhurst Counseling. He has served as a teacher, author, consultant, human resources director, health care administrator, and licensed clinical social worker since 1977. A fellow of the American College of Healthcare Executives, Steve has provided coaching, therapy and team development services to thriving schools, businesses and organizations.